Dilemma

Should I just do this
All alone?
Put my trust in no one
Fight for my own thrown?

Do I trust my instinct
To always believe
That I’ll never need anyone
Except for me?

I lived through it all
I saw the effects
And I need to feel free
Stuff being suppressed!

Or do I take a chance
Gamble it all?
Wish I hadn’t done it
If I ever was to fall?

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Imagination runs wild
Always been a dreamer
But that I couldn’t fathom
And that was just a teaser.

Saw a couple red flags
Perhaps I should have known
People raised questions
Though I thought we were grown.

OK, be strong
Forget being gnarly
Put your guard up
Even if it’s just partly.

Two strikes, now.
Or should that be one?
Am I in my right mind
To say this is done?

Proceed with caution
But carry on with your plans
Get off those narcotics
That put you in a trance.

Here we go again
Analysis I can’t ignore
I don’t have to say a word
Just watch me walk out the door.

Never Ever

To you
It may seem the same
But everything has changed
And I have to be frank
But I don’t think the same way.

Forgive?
Not sure. Forget, never-
I doubt I’ll ever.
You took me for a fool
Knowing I’m damn well clever.

Priority
Was your feelings
Up until your dealings
So now I think of me
And assume you’re cheating.

Wrong
I may well be
But you let me see
A side I never knew
So I proceed cautiously.

Go Ahead

Go ahead girl,
Just act like it never happened
Act like you don’t think about it
That moment, how deep the cracks ran.

I know you died a little more that night
Yet on the surface you somehow grew
You got stronger with every breath
You made sure they all knew.

Pretend you don’t fall apart
Like you’re fine that nothing’s perfect
Pretend you don’t question it all
Asking yourself “Is it worth it?”

Keep faking that it’s fine
You’re not afraid of dependency
See how far it gets you
And in the end you’ll see.

Despair

Let me be honest
With myself
It’s only you
No one else
You swear the same
But I can’t really tell
Where are your thoughts
When you please
Yourself?

It’s you,
That I love
It’s you,
I don’t trust
And without that
Can there really
Be us?

It’s selfish
To ponder
For my mind
To wander
What you may
Be hiding
Beneath and under.

I just
Do not know
I just
Can’t let go
My mind it goes
To and fro.

Empty

I picture us as glasses
Equally filled
Then me unto you
Myself I spilled.

Enamoured I was
In seeing you satiate
It brought me joy
To see you substantiate.

Always giving
I continued to pour
I permeated you
More and more.

One desolate day
I realised I was empty
I was bone dry
Whilst you had plenty.

But it was too late
I was incomplete
I had lost myself
And you had gained me.